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2J
- |image=Dwayne.png |position1=Councilor-Magistrate on the Council of Worlds |incumbent1=y |began1=14079 UU |ended1=Up for re-election to 2nd term in 14091 UU |predecessor1=Lemna Rotjo |position2=Galactic Ambassador from Uurb |incumbent2=y |began2=14077 UU |ended2=Up for re-election to 2nd term in 14089 UU |predecessor2=UU-RFWZ443NSY |successor2=UU-C9QMTWWWZQ |position3=Member of the World Congress from Sector 2209 |began3=14069 UU |ended3=14077 UU |predecessor3=UU-I7QO1DZ00Z |successor3=UU-57LAO2EERT |born=13992 UU Sector 2200, Uurb |sex=Male |species=Human (Uurb variant) |home planet=Uurb |residence=Sector 0000, Uurb |religion=Non-religious |family=UU-1JZSZEIZIT (father) UU-6Y0SKHHYHL (mother) UU-RJPAHB5QA6 (clone son) }} :"Yes, it's me. No, you can't have my autograph." —UU-2J93SZK68H. UU-2J93SZK68H, commonly known as 2J (Standard: - , born 13992 UU), is the current Councilor-Magistrate on the Council of Worlds, presiding over the 328th session in 14079 UU. He will retain the position until the 329th session in 14091 UU, when he is eligible for re-election. 2J has also served as Galactic Ambassador to the Council for his home planet, Uurb, since 14077 UU. 2J has become infamous for his volcanic anger issues. He is largely despised by the Uurban public for his frequent outbursts. Many are uncomfortable with the fact that 2J's entire political career was a product of nepotism by his father, President UU-1JZSZEIZIT. Biography Early life In 13992 UU, UU-2J93SZK68H was born to UU-1JZSZEIZIT and UU-6Y0SKHHYHL in Sector 2200 on the Cellus system planet Uurb. 2J's father, 1J, was elected to represent Sector 2200 in the Uurban World Congress the following year. 2J's mother, 6Y, worked as a part-time space tourism agent. She had recently taken up a fierce devotion to Noronism after an encounter with Noronic monks while on vacation on planet Zenith. This, coupled with the intense pressure of 1J's political campaign and career, put tremendous strain on 2J's parents' marriage. In 14004 UU, when 2J was 12, his parents divorced and he relocated to Sector 2199 with his mother. 2J was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, which may have been another factor leading to his parents' separation. According to 6Y, 2J would frequently become violent and scream at her for the most inane things. She recalls 2J hurling the atom scrambler at her one night when she didn't upload his favorite macaroni and cheese augmented mindflavor to his consciousness. 2J recalls summers visiting his father in Sector 0000 as the only happy memories from his teenage years that he didn't delete. Adult life In 14021 UU, when 2J was 29, he eloped to Sector 2209 with his Schmelgor girlfriend, a relationship condemned by his mother and most of his friends. The following year, UU-SM8IRP1VZB broke up with 2J, leaving him homeless and without a family. Over the next fifty years, 2J remained in Sector 2209, entertaining a string of seven ex-wives all while working as a low-level manager of a local neurobliss spa. He was imprisoned from ages 34 to 44 and again from ages 56 to 62, both times for violent outbursts against his wives and others. 2J had a total of twelve children (eight boys and four girls) from his seven marriages. In 14072 UU, 2J cloned himself. His clone, UU-RJPAHB5QA6 (RJ), was created as the "perfect heir" that none of 2J's other children could be. "I need someone to succeed me and protect my legacy after I'm gone," 2J replied when asked why he cloned himself, "and I've realized that the only person who can do that... is me." In 14077 UU, when 2J was 83, Triumvirate President UU-C9YR7QVC1H died unexpectedly at the young age of 122, and 2J's father was elected by the World Congress to replace him. 1J's first act of office was nominating his son for Galactic Ambassador. After winning the election, 2J was instantly promoted from low-level manager to the one who would represent his entire home planet to the Council of Worlds, all without his knowledge. President 1J personally traveled to Sector 2209 to tell his son the good news. Upon hearing his new title, 2J reportedly punched a hole in the wall before seizing and popping multiple blood vessels in his cranium. 2J later clarified that his episode was not a result of rage, but gratitude. Political career Public opinion began to shift against 2J in 14078 UU, the year before he was scheduled to represent Uurb at the 328th session of the Council of Worlds. Soon after his election to the position of Galactic Ambassador, many working closely with him gave accounts of his short temper and childish personality. During a routine meeting with Sixth Pitian Legislator Prime Ozac Rimson-Blyad, 2J reportedly erupted in anger, screaming profanities and beating his chest. Rimson-Blyad maintains that the outburst was completely unprovoked. 2J insists that Rimson-Blyd insinuated that he wasn't fit for the title of Galactic Ambassador. Three weeks later, 2J fired three of his underlings in a separate incident during one of his rabid power trips. The Uurban government worked hard to hide 2J's embarrassing antics in the year leading up to the 328th Council session. Most member worlds were unaware of his violent tendencies. After President 1J approved increased funding to the Council of Worlds, his son quickly became the Council favorite for Councilor-Magistrate, and 2J was elected to fill the position. Over the course of the year-long session, 2J frequently went off on nonsensical tangents about Uurb's superiority as a planet and other bigotry. On his third day in office (3 Uud 14079 UU), 2J verbally attacked the Qendär Empire when they proposed increased tariffs on Uurb, calling them "retarded sand monkeys". On 15 Uup 14079 UU, Ozac Rimson-Blyad moved to impeach 2J due to "idiotic negligence and a profound lack of respect for this Council". Many member worlds initially supported the measure, further infuriating 2J. The following day, President 1J threatened to withhold Uurban funds to the Council if 2J was impeached. 2J remains Councilor-Magistrate to this day. Category:Uurban people Category:Uurban politicians Category:Galactic Ambassadors Category:Councilors-Magistrate Category:Delegates to the World Congress Category:Males Category:People Category:Uurb Category:Humans Category:13000s Category:14000s Category:Alive Category:13900s Category:14000s century